nothing seems to be right

when do you really start living your life? is it when you move out and start to pay your own bills or is it when you become truly happy..
i can not figure out when i will become happy and it's killing me.

i am happy in school, but once i am out of the college my life just flashes before my eyes and i realize i am not giving it all that should be given. you know?
i feel like this blog is the worst and saddest thing ever, but my life for the past 3 months have been such a downer and this is where i feel like i can let it out.

i want to be happy, i want to stop letting people fuck me over and walk all over me. i neet to stand tall and let my word be known that i am not that kinda girl.
but when it comes down to it.. i am that girl and i hate it.

i have a lot going for me, i dont want to be "cocky" about it but thats how i see myself.
yet i can never find someone to experience the good of me, like i did a few years ago.

why do i attract the assholes, and the people who feel they can just use me?

i want to be able to smile and be free.. be happy.. be me,
but being me right now is the hardest thing posssible.