you are evil

And its as simple as that
Its so simple to ruin everything good,
And turn it into a nightmare.

A nightmare where everything feels so real.
So real when you blink and pinch yourself,
Youre still living in that nightmare.

Its like the worst of your life can happen in,
In a split second,
An instant.

An instant where you can see yourself spinning,
Rushing down a hole until you hit bottom.
Rock bottom.

When you can’t get up, and you realize that,
That you have come to a crashing end
And nothing will fix anything.

Anything that you’ve done,
Has become you
And you are evil.

ready to be me

The world is coming to an end as I know it,
Its starting to spread its wings and fly away…
Way before im ready to fly away with it.

It whispers in my ear to get up and go.
But how can I just go?
Just leave my world behind to start a new one.
But how can I just go?
Just leave my family and go,
Just leave my friends and go,
Just leave everything that protects me and go?

It wakes me up in the morning to remind me the time is coming
Coming to an end, or maybe sprouting a new beginning

A new life.
A new beginning.
A fresh starts,
Or maybe the start I was always meant to have
But never got the chance to live.

I hear it calling my name,
Quiet and soft, calling for me.

It’s telling me in ready, but am I?
Ready for what..

Ready to be me.

pure like gold

when you leave the place you grew up in, is that suppose to be a good feeling?
or is this feeling suppose to feel like a heart break beyond any heart break i have felt before..
18 days, and my life is going to change 100%
18 days, and i am going to be starting to grow up.
alone..
on my own.
making myself who i really am.

and while i want to share this with the people i love,  when i think about it the most important people i could share it with wont be around. one wont be there physically and the other wont be there mentally for me.
when i think about that is it the most hurtful thing. i know relationships change people, but i dont want her relationship to ruin our friendship, and i feel like it is coming to that.

i feel so alone all the time, and it is a scary thought.
i bounced back to my old grade nine self one night, and that gave me a scare i never want to have again.

though i know i am better than that, it still felt good.

from being alone all the time now, i have come to realize no one will ever make me happy, and i just need to find happiness on my own.
and yes my friends and my boyfriend make me happy. but its not the pure stuff i am getting.
and i will find that once i move and start to become a better writer.
i will be fine, and i will find that pure.