blue eyed beauty

so,
its been march break this week and i believe this week has taught me a lot about myself. a lot of things i didnt know about me, but now i know more than i knew before. i know who i can be myself around, and i know who my true friends are.
i know what i want in life, and i know i cant give up on anything anymore because the pain i have felt is not worth it. the tears i have shed made me into a better person.

i have come to the conclusion i am a very awkward person. there are very few people know who the true me is, and for the ones that do, i am sorry if i have pushed you away.

i have come to the conclusion i ruined a lot of friendships that i wish i didnt. and i really miss having friends. good friends are hard to find, and i seriously don't have many. for my past friends, im sorry for whatever reason we stopped being friends. if it was my fault i only blame myself and hopefully sometime we can fix things. for the friends i have now, you all mean everything to me. you make me happy.

and i just want to thank you for making me into the girl i want to be. because without you i would not be mighty molly.

school is back on monday, so lets get the sleeves pulled up and show everyone who i have become
<3 mm

leaving is just a game

my life has been a blur lately and i never have the time to write anymore.. well i am sure i have the time i have just became too lazy.
for the most part my life here has been good, i mean i have the best roommate in the world, and i have the best friend anyone could ask for in liverpool, and i also have the best friend anyone could imagine in dartmouth.

but lately.. it doesn't seem like that's enough. i overthink things and i chain smoke constantly because im sad or upset or depressed. i put on a smile for everyone at school, but sometimes its so hard.
i want to believe this is the right course for me, but sometimes i am unsure.
maybe i am too young for this?
maybe i don't have the drive..
maybe i don't even want to do this anymore.

i always thought i would love school, and dont get me wrong i love it. i love the work and i love the people in it. i have just became so lazy about homework and motivation is lacking.
i feel like i could crawl up in a hole most days and be fine with that.

you know the feeling when your heart breaks? like phyically breaks.. you can feel it through your chest and the pain feels so surreal.. well i have been having that feeling lately. and it kills me, it hurts me, it makes me sit and cry for an hour without even having a good reason to cry.
i just wish it was easy.. i just wish i could be the girl i want to be, with the boy i am in love with.. but that doesnt seem possible..

nothing seems possible.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=wwUlPXmr_6o

sorry for the sad post, its just how my heart feels.