It's going to be bittersweet you know, leaving this town.
leaving what has made me; me and moving away and becoming someone else.
someone else i truly aspire to be, but am truly afaid to become.

Im afraid to grow up, im afaid to show the world what i am made of because honestly,
i don't know what i am made of.
Yes im made out of bones and blood.
im made out of all the tough things in the world, combined into one single little girl.
But its something that doesn't phase me.

i know i've been though a lot. And i know im going to become "something"
but at the end of the day, i dont want to become something because of all the things i've been through
i want to become something because i am meant to do it.
Because its me, and not my past.

I want to be successful,
and i want to not be so afaid to show the people i love what i'm doing
and i want to be able to show them my writing.

fact: im jealous

this is all i have

why is it that when you grow up you miss being young,
but when youre young you wish to grow up.

it seems like no one can ever be happy and i hate it. It feels like i can not just go out and adventure and have fun. i feel too mature or "grown up" to do something like that.

what did we do before drinking happened, and all that stupid stuff?
we had fun, and it seems like its impossible to have fun anymore.

i mean im always happy now, and i love life. i love the people in my life.
but when i get alone, all i do is go on my laptop and listen to mellow music. its insane how much being alone can affect one person. it can completely change a person.
And this change isn't always a good change.

Growing up is scary and i really don't want to face the fact i am almost out of highschool.
i don't want to face the fact i am changing,
i am growing,
i am maturing,
and soon enough i am leaving..

help, im scared.

sometimes i say im so bored and i have nothing to do. but when i think about it, i have so many options out there of something new to do.
i could always write in here, or read. work on my to do list or always just get comfy and cozy and have a nap. Nothing in this world lasts forever so i might as well make the best out of it.

as fast as the time goes, it seems so slow when it is ticking down and it scares me. It is almost the end of February which graduation is only in a few months... and then i am gone out of here forever starting my real life.

how scary,
but i need to go work on homework i just wanted to jot down my thoughts.
<3