empty hearts

feeling completely alone..
like no one is there for me, like none wants me around.
it's a pretty shitty feeling,
and it's been scaring me half to death.

i wish i knew what i wanted more in life.

donkey

i went to a donkey sanctuary today and it was an amazing feeling. All these donkeys came from abused places and people. And to see all the donkeys calm and friendly made me feel really emotional. it just made my heart feel so full that they could go through such a tough and heart breaking time in their life and now they are at peace.

it made me realize that no matter what you've been through doesn't mean it has to stay with your forever. it may shape you but at the end of the day you can run free from it and come out a better person. i didn't want to leave today because these donkeys made me so happy.

it just put a real smile on my face for once and made me remember that life goes on, and for me i have to learn to be happy alone without relying on someone to do it for me. 

hell starts to freeze

it's like a bullet has just gone through my body.

my heart is killed, and my soul is drowning in blood.

it can't swim.

im tired of feeling lost, i don't know how to even write about it.

i feel like wherever i go, i am still faced with the same problems,

the same worries, broken hearts, and tear filled eyes.

i always thought i went through a lot in my life but i am starting to realize this is only the beginning...

i just want to be someone priority and not an option anymore,

i want to feel loved for once and not fuck it up.

drive on

2232 blog views,
i know i have had this it seems like forever but reaching this number makes me super excited.

life has been pretty good lately, being here in ontario is teaching me a lot about myself which i never thought i would learn. i have began to realize who's important in my life, and the rest honestly can go screw themselves.

I've began to love myself, and i have never got to that point in my life before which is actually amazing for me to say i like who i am turning out to be.

My relationship for the pas two years has been more than a bumpy road, but right now because i have been away makes me understand how much i need him in my life, and i know he's not air or water so i don't "need" him but honestly it feels like he keeps me together.

love is sure a difficult thing to understand, and i don't fully understand it, and i know i am not the perfect person, i know i have my screw ups and all that but i am trying so much.

but still, i need to let my red heart show too, which is kinda hard.

                                 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1FH2arQh0Q

being away from family and friends is actually really hard because i have a problem that i need to feel needed and i need reassurance that i am important and with being away from the people who show me i mean something i have been feeling really unwanted and loved. But I am trying my best to just go on with my life and not concern myself with those "needs" because i know i will be okay without people telling me I'm worth it.. because i know i am.

@gibsonkirby

maybe it's meant to be

i wish i wasn't such an option sometimes, it makes me feel so terrible with myself,

and i wish i knew exactly why i did the things i did, and why i pushed people close to me away because right now i could use some feel good words.

i just wish if they actually cared about me, they would show it, because when they don't it breaks my heart over and over again and i can't continue to be like this because my heart is going to be in pieces on the floor soon..

but why can't i change it? why do i put myself in these situations?