city lights

i promised myself i would make a happy post.
and i really wanted to, and i so planned on but than stuff just tends to keep happening to me.

i really wish sometimes i could just be alone so i wouldn't have to deal with things.
like coming on facebook, and reading a stupid status.
when what i want was clearly stated but it still got on facebook.

the lights were so pretty, and my mind was so clear.
but now it's a blur again like waking up in the morning.


this is not fair.

spiders

the use of a doll for men is completely different than what it is for girls.

girls give and forgive, boys get and forget.
that is all, i hate the opposite sex sometimes.

shouldn't someone want to make me a priority not an option?
because im sick of being a choice.

this one is good.

change of heart,
and a change of mood is the best thing ever.
other than soft moc shoes and girl time with my girl mary <3

lets just say, life is grand, and so is my smile.

nothing seems to be right

when do you really start living your life? is it when you move out and start to pay your own bills or is it when you become truly happy..
i can not figure out when i will become happy and it's killing me.

i am happy in school, but once i am out of the college my life just flashes before my eyes and i realize i am not giving it all that should be given. you know?
i feel like this blog is the worst and saddest thing ever, but my life for the past 3 months have been such a downer and this is where i feel like i can let it out.

i want to be happy, i want to stop letting people fuck me over and walk all over me. i neet to stand tall and let my word be known that i am not that kinda girl.
but when it comes down to it.. i am that girl and i hate it.

i have a lot going for me, i dont want to be "cocky" about it but thats how i see myself.
yet i can never find someone to experience the good of me, like i did a few years ago.

why do i attract the assholes, and the people who feel they can just use me?

i want to be able to smile and be free.. be happy.. be me,
but being me right now is the hardest thing posssible.

when the wind blows, when i do it alone

As I walk in this world alone I come to think;
Think about everyone who has been in my life,
Who has affected me
Good and
Bad.

I think about everyone who has just got up
And walked out the door
when the wind started to blow.

I think about the people who are meant to be
And the people who are not worth the time.

Life is something that can not be explained
Your past can not control your future.

The future is what you make it,
The future is where you end up.
Your steps now contribute to where you want to go.

So step in the right direction,
A few wrong turns won’t get you lost
It will just make you remember where you are going.

Go far and never look back,
Because when you look back you forget where you are meant to be.

free your heart

you don't realize what you have until you lose it?
isnt that what it is..

shouldnt it be, you don't realize you deserve better until you stand up and leave?
if not, thats what i think it should be.

my life has become a hot mess of everything. and the only thing making it better is hot chocolate and good talks at the coffee shop.  i didnt realize how amazing my friends were until i had to deal with a pile of shit landing on me and them helping me through it.

After a year, wouldnt you think you knew someone? knew someone enough to see how they truely are..
i think i saw it, but was afaid to believe it. But the last straw happened, and i needed to change it. to make myself happy and healthy again. because i surely know i am not who i should be at this point in time.

i am in college, living alone, having great friends, but i cry before bed every night? i feel so lost and alone and miserable. that is just terribly wrong for someone like myself.
i am someone who is happy, someone who loves to be around people, to explore the city around them.
but right now, i just havent found that.

and i think since i lost the love of my life, maybe i will realize moping and being upset isnt worth my time.. my life.

i need to live for myself and be happy with myself.
before i can be with someone.
and if they don't plan on waiting, and if they plan on moving on to someone else.
they really are not worth my tears anymore.

i am me

that is all, i am so happy with my life.
but missing my old friends, and my friends i lost because of me being stupid.

perfect sense

i am so sick of past mistakes.
haunting you.
please just go away.