realization

what happens when youre world comes crashing down? what happens when you know youve fuck up so bad that nothing will ever get fixed?

well right now thats my life. i have realized i have fucked up more than anything in this world, and i messed up more than a friendship/relationship. i've messed so much up about my life. i don't have something i want to do anymore, i don't have people around for me anymore, and i just don't care.
i used to have so many different friends, and they all were there for me. but now they are gone, and i miss them more than anything. i used to have my mom and dad, and him there for me.
and i fucked that up too.
it makes me understand why people ruin their lives, and give up. because i am in that stage right now.
nothing will ever fix what i have become and what i have ruined.
nothing will fix anything, and i don't want to realize that but i have.
i miss when i didn't fuck things up for myself and the ones i love...