emotionless

how can something small hurt me so bad? I have dealt with it for 2 years now, but it's starting to eat away at me. My insides are slowly caving in, my heart is breaking piece by piece. Im scared.

happiness is defined as :

state of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy.

why can't I have intense joy? it seems like i have become an emotionless human being and thats the scariest part of my life right now.

I'm scared to be alone yes,
I'm scared of growing up,
I'm scared he'll be the one that got away.

But most of all I'm scared because i am not me.

I thought of myself as a happy person before, open, talkative, carefree.

But now i am quiet, i never talk when im in groups of people, I hide my emotions, and my heart is no longer on my sleeve.

And.. im scared.