It's going to be bittersweet you know, leaving this town.
leaving what has made me; me and moving away and becoming someone else.
someone else i truly aspire to be, but am truly afaid to become.

Im afraid to grow up, im afaid to show the world what i am made of because honestly,
i don't know what i am made of.
Yes im made out of bones and blood.
im made out of all the tough things in the world, combined into one single little girl.
But its something that doesn't phase me.

i know i've been though a lot. And i know im going to become "something"
but at the end of the day, i dont want to become something because of all the things i've been through
i want to become something because i am meant to do it.
Because its me, and not my past.

I want to be successful,
and i want to not be so afaid to show the people i love what i'm doing
and i want to be able to show them my writing.

fact: im jealous

this is all i have

why is it that when you grow up you miss being young,
but when youre young you wish to grow up.

it seems like no one can ever be happy and i hate it. It feels like i can not just go out and adventure and have fun. i feel too mature or "grown up" to do something like that.

what did we do before drinking happened, and all that stupid stuff?
we had fun, and it seems like its impossible to have fun anymore.

i mean im always happy now, and i love life. i love the people in my life.
but when i get alone, all i do is go on my laptop and listen to mellow music. its insane how much being alone can affect one person. it can completely change a person.
And this change isn't always a good change.

Growing up is scary and i really don't want to face the fact i am almost out of highschool.
i don't want to face the fact i am changing,
i am growing,
i am maturing,
and soon enough i am leaving..

help, im scared.

sometimes i say im so bored and i have nothing to do. but when i think about it, i have so many options out there of something new to do.
i could always write in here, or read. work on my to do list or always just get comfy and cozy and have a nap. Nothing in this world lasts forever so i might as well make the best out of it.

as fast as the time goes, it seems so slow when it is ticking down and it scares me. It is almost the end of February which graduation is only in a few months... and then i am gone out of here forever starting my real life.

how scary,
but i need to go work on homework i just wanted to jot down my thoughts.
<3

forgive me

hello there,
youre an old friend of mine and i haave missed you a lot. I don't get to write in here as much as i would like to because i have been so fucking stressed out lately and on the go.
i am never home, and when i am i can never get into the mood to write.

.. my toes are cold and its a terrible time. i thought people needed to know this. i also think people need to know that no matter what the future brings never to give up.

i have tried to give up countless times in the past, and trust me i am so glad i never fully did.

my future is so bright, and i can not wait to see what is in store for me.
and all the ones i love.
but,
as this was short, i need to go shower i think i may smell alittle bad.
i promise to write in you more.

<3

the possible change

Take a second out of your day, and use your brain.

Sign off of face book, and log off your computer.

Turn off your cell phone and just pay attention to the words I am about to speak.

You have the ability to change the world, and make it the way you want it.

You have the ability to change the world, and make it the way it should be.

You have the strength to never give up, and make these changes.

You have the power to help people, and make their lives better.

You have the power to help people, and help people help people.

You have the ability.

Everyone of you reading this, you have the necessities’ for living but think about all the rest you have. Think about the Ipod. Not the one you have now, but your old ipod, and the one before that. Then after you think about those ipods think about the mp3 players you had before you knew “ipods” existed. Think about all the music being drummed into your ears and think about how much that music means to you. Picture in your mind, all those people who have never even heard of that music. Let alone any music at all.

Everyone of you reading this, you have the necessities’ for living but think about all the other stuff you have. Think about the cameras you have. And just think about how many you have had before this one. Think about all those pictures being captured and then just think about all the people who can not even afford one camera. Let alone how many you had. Think about all their memories they could not capture because they do not have enough money one. And imagine their beautiful smiles waiting for their picture.

Think about the world we live in, and not necessarily the world, because half of it is not as lucky as we are. So think about the country you live in. Then think about the province, how much it has to offer. Think about your town, even though it may not be a lot think about the number of stores that sells food here. 

Now while you’re thinking about the food, think about how many other people in this world are dying for that thought. For the amount of stores we have selling the food we do not need to feast upon.

You have the ability to change this.

Maybe not alone, but if people worked together we could change.

We personally could change into better people

Less self aware, but into selfless people who care.

We personally could change the world too.

It can happen as long as you realize the potential you have.

All of you.

romance is

when you get lost, you need to get found.
when you get hurt, you need to get fixed.

everything in life has a pair and something to go with it, and in a humans life they will always have that one person who is like that. A perfect pair.

i am so thankful for my perfect pair, she has become my best friend since i met her in grade four and she is now like my sister. Our patterns of life will always happen, but one thing is we will always be together as friends. She is something in need to keep me sane in the town i live in.

------------------

So i have been thinkin a lot lately about happiness, and about people not being happy. They need to find the one or two things that makes them happy and do them.
people need to realize happiness happens with the most simple things, and not to worry about one boy, or one friend in high school.
if they are important to you, and youre important to them they will find you and keep you.
they will hold onto the relationship/friendship they have.
So don't sweat the small stuff and think about the bigger picture.
think about who you will become in life, and if that is the person you want to become.
if not, change now before it's too late,
and if it is who you want to be, run and ran as fast as you can and become that person.
Because nothing else in the world matters.

too long

i've been so busy with life and everything that has been happening i have not sat down and had time for myself and to write.
a lot of stuff has been happeneing lately, and in honesty i am not sure i am like most of it, i lost all my old friends. My old life is completely deleted from my mind and the online world. its kinda weird to think it happened..

i can't write right now, i want to. i am in the mood to write,
but my mind is somewhere else. its in the place where i think something bad is going to happen. and i want that feeling out of my stomach.
ill write soon, i miss this <3

in the end,
when you try and trust people it will always bite you in the ass on the way back. I think no one can trust anyone other then themselves. And half these people in this world can't even trust themselves.
there is way to much fucked up shit happening in this world nowadays.
including in liverpool, and i will be so happy when i can finally break free and live this place.

When someone declares you their friend, that in itself means love, trust and all this shit. but at the end of the day, the friend will do whatever they have to do to be happy, and not care about any "friends"

i just don't understand.
and i think in a way i am like that, i think in a way every body is like that.
but i do also realize i put my friends before myself everyday,
i never sleep at home because im always in company with my friends,
im there for them all times of the day/night.
i make decisions based on my friends, and not my own choice.
i try to be the most selfless person there could possibly be.

and i know it may be good, but holy hell i am tired.
i am phyically tired of doing this all, and getting what in return?
drama, and more drama and all this fucking bullshit this town brings to my life.

i just wish to be invisible until i can leave and start fresh, and start new.
i am so tired of being drained and mentally tired. its terrible.


thats all, work time.
fake smiles :)

future waves

When people think about the future they think about a family and kids.
They think about jobs, money, and business matters.
But when I think about the future I think about possibilities
I think about things that may happen if you decide on things today.
When you do something today, it’s going to affect what you do tomorrow
And the next day
And the next.
It’s going to affect your whole life.

So whether you decide to love or not is going to affect your relationships,
The relationships you will make in the time to come.
So whether you decide to eat or not today, will affect if you want to
In the next week. Maybe even in months to come.

Whether you decide to start drama or stop it will affect  you.
Whether you decide to spread it is going to affect you too.

No matter what life brings in the future you will think about other things.
You’re going to be thinking of your own future,
But at the same time you’ll think of the people you love futures too.

So in the end, think consciously, and think appropriately
And do what’s best for you and when you do..
You will start to fall in love with life
All over again.

how do you save a life?

sometimes it just boggles my mind that life is what it is.
people fall in love, people fall out of love, and then people get hurt. that is pretty much what our world revolves around; love

i mean cool, its a nice feeling. But can't people be happy alone, and cant people get over others and become happy? or do they feel the need to make sure the heartbreaker knows how much they ruined the others life.
and all the fucking bullshit.
honestly, its not fair. and  i think people need to grow up and be able to be happy and alone;single.


but i don't think it will happen,

anyways, not in the mood. happy new years everyone <3