huge world, and all im thinking about is you

here is the thing.

i am so happy when i am at school. i couldnt be more happy and people can see that.

but once im out of school i get mad and i just want to be alone all the time. i dont want to deal with peoples bullshit, and i dont want to see anyone.

i didn't realize how much i like time alone but its the only thing i want now a days.

little emo rant:

i feel like i have no one anymore. before i always had my go to people, but by moving here it feels like i have lost every single one of them.

i dont know how to change that.

im just ready to go home to liverpool and crawl into my old bed and never get out.

bleeeeeeh.

freedom

in my school, loving my life.
in my school, becoming what i want to become.
in the city, without internet until thursday.
so i will update then.
<33333
can not wait for this course to hit the road.

you are evil

And its as simple as that
Its so simple to ruin everything good,
And turn it into a nightmare.

A nightmare where everything feels so real.
So real when you blink and pinch yourself,
Youre still living in that nightmare.

Its like the worst of your life can happen in,
In a split second,
An instant.

An instant where you can see yourself spinning,
Rushing down a hole until you hit bottom.
Rock bottom.

When you can’t get up, and you realize that,
That you have come to a crashing end
And nothing will fix anything.

Anything that you’ve done,
Has become you
And you are evil.

ready to be me

The world is coming to an end as I know it,
Its starting to spread its wings and fly away…
Way before im ready to fly away with it.

It whispers in my ear to get up and go.
But how can I just go?
Just leave my world behind to start a new one.
But how can I just go?
Just leave my family and go,
Just leave my friends and go,
Just leave everything that protects me and go?

It wakes me up in the morning to remind me the time is coming
Coming to an end, or maybe sprouting a new beginning

A new life.
A new beginning.
A fresh starts,
Or maybe the start I was always meant to have
But never got the chance to live.

I hear it calling my name,
Quiet and soft, calling for me.

It’s telling me in ready, but am I?
Ready for what..

Ready to be me.

pure like gold

when you leave the place you grew up in, is that suppose to be a good feeling?
or is this feeling suppose to feel like a heart break beyond any heart break i have felt before..
18 days, and my life is going to change 100%
18 days, and i am going to be starting to grow up.
alone..
on my own.
making myself who i really am.

and while i want to share this with the people i love,  when i think about it the most important people i could share it with wont be around. one wont be there physically and the other wont be there mentally for me.
when i think about that is it the most hurtful thing. i know relationships change people, but i dont want her relationship to ruin our friendship, and i feel like it is coming to that.

i feel so alone all the time, and it is a scary thought.
i bounced back to my old grade nine self one night, and that gave me a scare i never want to have again.

though i know i am better than that, it still felt good.

from being alone all the time now, i have come to realize no one will ever make me happy, and i just need to find happiness on my own.
and yes my friends and my boyfriend make me happy. but its not the pure stuff i am getting.
and i will find that once i move and start to become a better writer.
i will be fine, and i will find that pure.

perfect

i want someone that will be my everything,
i want someone that will let me be their everything.
i want someone who will take pictures together
i want someone who will tickle me until i cry
who will write me an i love you on my facebook wall.
i want someone who will show me off to everyone.
someone who will meet my family.
someone who my family will love.
i want this guy to hold onto me like he would never let me go.
i want him to promise me things that he knows he can keep.
i want this guy to never keep anything from me.
he needs to smile, be happy and follow through with his words.
i want someone who will teach me to love myself.
i want this boy to text me every night,
call me every morning
just to tell me he loves me.
lets me know he cares,
he wants me, and only me.


this guy i want, does not exist.

running

Tell a girl she's beautiful & she will believe it for a
moment. Tell a girl she is worthless & she will believe
it for the rest of her life.

Never get too attached to anyone
because attachments lead to 
expectations & expectations lead
to disappointments .

Guys are like bras,
They hook-up behind your back.

I don't want the perfect boyfriend.

I just want someone to act silly with,
someone who treats me well,
& absolutely loves being with me more than anything.

smart girls open their minds,
easy girls open their legs,
and foolish girls open their hearts.

i quit. i'm over you. i fell so hard. i was always there when
you needed someone to talk to. yeah, so basically i'm done
being just a friend or chasing you. so it you want me, i'm here,
but i'm done wasting my time on someone who doesn't care.

love is a deadly feeling. it gives you passion, but jealousy.
it gives you sorrow, but happiness. it gives you, it makes you,
& it breaks you.

am i not enough?

too strong

i just want to be happy.
for once in my life, truly happy.
i dont want these feelings.
i dont want to feel my heart break everyday.
i dont want to see the tears falling from my face.

im tired of being me

i've never seen this before

it seems like every other day i am upset and hurting. it feels like nothing will ever go right.

words are just words, but these words being said to me are killing me slowly.