pure like gold

when you leave the place you grew up in, is that suppose to be a good feeling?
or is this feeling suppose to feel like a heart break beyond any heart break i have felt before..
18 days, and my life is going to change 100%
18 days, and i am going to be starting to grow up.
alone..
on my own.
making myself who i really am.

and while i want to share this with the people i love,  when i think about it the most important people i could share it with wont be around. one wont be there physically and the other wont be there mentally for me.
when i think about that is it the most hurtful thing. i know relationships change people, but i dont want her relationship to ruin our friendship, and i feel like it is coming to that.

i feel so alone all the time, and it is a scary thought.
i bounced back to my old grade nine self one night, and that gave me a scare i never want to have again.

though i know i am better than that, it still felt good.

from being alone all the time now, i have come to realize no one will ever make me happy, and i just need to find happiness on my own.
and yes my friends and my boyfriend make me happy. but its not the pure stuff i am getting.
and i will find that once i move and start to become a better writer.
i will be fine, and i will find that pure.