perfect

i want someone that will be my everything,
i want someone that will let me be their everything.
i want someone who will take pictures together
i want someone who will tickle me until i cry
who will write me an i love you on my facebook wall.
i want someone who will show me off to everyone.
someone who will meet my family.
someone who my family will love.
i want this guy to hold onto me like he would never let me go.
i want him to promise me things that he knows he can keep.
i want this guy to never keep anything from me.
he needs to smile, be happy and follow through with his words.
i want someone who will teach me to love myself.
i want this boy to text me every night,
call me every morning
just to tell me he loves me.
lets me know he cares,
he wants me, and only me.


this guy i want, does not exist.

running

Tell a girl she's beautiful & she will believe it for a
moment. Tell a girl she is worthless & she will believe
it for the rest of her life.

Never get too attached to anyone
because attachments lead to 
expectations & expectations lead
to disappointments .

Guys are like bras,
They hook-up behind your back.

I don't want the perfect boyfriend.

I just want someone to act silly with,
someone who treats me well,
& absolutely loves being with me more than anything.

smart girls open their minds,
easy girls open their legs,
and foolish girls open their hearts.

i quit. i'm over you. i fell so hard. i was always there when
you needed someone to talk to. yeah, so basically i'm done
being just a friend or chasing you. so it you want me, i'm here,
but i'm done wasting my time on someone who doesn't care.

love is a deadly feeling. it gives you passion, but jealousy.
it gives you sorrow, but happiness. it gives you, it makes you,
& it breaks you.

am i not enough?

too strong

i just want to be happy.
for once in my life, truly happy.
i dont want these feelings.
i dont want to feel my heart break everyday.
i dont want to see the tears falling from my face.

im tired of being me

i've never seen this before

it seems like every other day i am upset and hurting. it feels like nothing will ever go right.

words are just words, but these words being said to me are killing me slowly.

smiles of the fruit.

sometimes it only takes a second for you to realize what you have in life,
and sometimes it only takes a minute to realize what you can't lose in your life.

i can't lose the friends i have because if i did i would go nowhere.
there are some friends i have been friends with since the first day i moved to liverpool.
these ones are the ones who have always been there for me, and i know we fight sometimes but
we will work it out always.
they are people i look up to and envy what they have. they are people who know how to treat people right,
and talk to them like they are important.
they give the best reassurance i could ever ask for.
they dont take shit from anyone, and i wish i was just like them.
i love them, and i will always, there is something about them that makes me just want more.

sometimes, even when the timing is bad, and the mood is wrong, all i have to do now to be happy is go to a blog and smile. because in the end, my smile is what makes me me <3
right?

when did everything become so stupid? it seems like my life is destined for bad relationships and fuck ups. i wish this wasn't the truth but as i sit here at home, i think to myself that nothing ever seems to go easy for me.
im so mentally and physically tired of feeling like this, the feeling where you just want to give up.
i thought this year was going to be the best year of my life, but i was truly mistaken. i didn't even enjoy my grade 12 prom, and knowing im leaving now is just an tiny bit of this problem.

why can't i just be happy, and everything go the way i want it to just for one day of my life? why do i have to sit at work, and cry and wish i had someone elses life.
i know so many more people has it worse off then i do, but sometimes it seems unreal that someone can even feel worse then i do at this.

i sat home on friday night worrying my mind away, not being able to sleep until 2am bawling my eyes out. i sit here tonight, in my bed alone, worrying my mind away, feeling like complete shit bawling my eyes out.

when will this ever get better?

breathe

im never home, so this is why i have yet to write in this for like a month. so much is changing in my life, and im not sure about anything. why cant something so simple as a text happen? and how can fights start over absolutely nothing.
yet i feel sick to my stomach because of it.
sometimes, i just feel like life is too hard to go on.

the time has come

you think you know the feeling when you are growing up? the feeling when you realize youre finished high school, youre done exams, and your proms on monday? the feeling where you know your graduating in a weeks time, and you will be leaving this town, these people, and moving forward with your life..
well i have that feeling right now, and its not feeling too hott.

in two months time, i will be packing up my life i have made here and moving away. i will be starting fresh and starting new. something i have had to do all my life, but it has never affected me this much before.
it might be because of the amazing boyfriend i have, the amazing family i live with, the most amazing best friends i could ever ask for, or simply the fact that i love this place i live.

i mean i hate the drama, the gossip, the different groups, and i hate the bench bitches, but i mean, every town has those right? every town will break you down no matter where you are, and wait to see if you will pick yourself back up and become stronger from the fall.

every town will watch you fail, and will wait for you to succeed. i am succeeded by moving away, going to school, having my own place, and leaving all my baggage behind.

my friends will follow me whenever i go, my family will always have my back, and writing will always cure my pain.

i can do this, and i can leave and be happy.
i will just have to deal with being homesick daily now.
but no matter what, i know i will be able to do this, i have gone through so much,
that i need to get through this.
i will succeed, and show everyone that doesnt think i can do it, that i can.

beachwood

i haven't wrote in this in forever, and i dont know why because everything has been so crazy and bad i should have written in this more. so i will try to catch up with everything going on.
im scared..
im scared of absolutly everything that is going on in my life right now.
im scared im losing my best friend right now,
im scared im going to get fucked over for next year because of stupid shit
im scared im going to lose my boyfriend
and im scared ill fail.
fail everything i had/have going for me, and i will be sitting there alone, being nothing.

im nothing, or atleast that is how i feel. i know thats terrible, but lately i have been feeling like another person. the typer of person i was when i was in grade nine. and that person is not me anymore. i want to get out of that body and run, run far away and never look back at them.
because.. they scare me.

i know i would never give up, or let go, or become someone i am not but i am just terrifed of being alone, and not myself. im afaid ill end up like my mom was for 10 years. i know i deserve better in my life, but i can't seem to push myself to that better place, i just sit and watch myself disappear.

if i know i deserve better in life, why can't i just make it happen?
why do i have to pussy out of everything, and just watch myself become nothing.