i got my list

today i am moving and i don't know how to feel about it. i am so excited to finally be out of halifax and go to dartmouth. closer to school, and closer to my friends.

 halifax was good, and i love the whole halifax scene, but i can make dartmouth just as good, and cheaper.

i can't believe i have been living in halifax for two months.. it just seems unreal.
my life is good here, but i miss my liverpool friends.
i love school, but i know i can do better than how i am doing.

my mind is just a bit flustered with the whole other genre.
on the 7th it will be mine and his one year. i love him so much and he is my everything. it's crazy we have been together for so long.

it doesnt seem like it's been a year. a year of firsts, and a year of lasts.

it blows my mind away knowing i will be out of school soon and starting to actually have a career. it's crazy to believe soon i will be in the industry living my dream.

if this is really my dream.. which i think it is?

anywho, radio show. ill write again tonight oxo

you know its haunting

do i deserve to be happy?
do i have the right to smile everyday?

am i know a nice girl that should have someone to tell me they miss me,
and not be so cold hearted.

shouldnt someone be lucky to have a girl like me?
someone who would do anything for their relationship and show them the world.

but i am stuck sitting alone, miserable at best.
and it kills me inside.

not to be wanted.

stuck on the edge, and i dont know what way to go

and what happens when you don't know exactly what to do. if you need to be strong and walk the road.
or be strong and walk it together.

live in halifax is a lot different than life in liverpool but i am starting to really enjoy it. i love my class family, and i love my friends i have. but having a life in two places takes a toll on you. it hurts losing friends, but it feels amazing gaining the ones i have gained.

im just alittle on the edge right now about how i want to play what is going on.

i want to write, and i want this course to become my life... and it already has.

... ill write more later.

spread your wings

Spread your wings, its time to fly away.
Fly away into a better spot.
A spot to be happy, and a spot to be wanted.

Soar to the places you’ve never been before,
The places you want to go, and you know you need to go.

Fly with someone that makes it meant to be
Fly with someone that makes you happy.
Fly and become the person you know you need to be.

Find a person to take away your pain,
Find a person that takes the tears and makes them into smiles.
Smiles so huge it could light up the sky..

You have the right to be happy,
You have the right to be wanted.
You are wanted, and you can be happy.

just pick up and fly again,
you'll see that you're meant to be.

many of horror

i feel like i have been shot in the back, the heart, and right in the face.
knowing nothing can ever get better anymore, whats the point?
or atleast knowing he wont try and fix it.
just makes me want to crawl up and cry.

this isnt fair, i wasnt suppose to feel this way.

love lost

so, im single.
and how do i manage this?
i sit alone and bawl my eyes out. i have been crying non stop since 3. i was okay for a few hours when i was with a friend but now hes all i can think about.

how can i let someone be so close and intimate with me and them just ruin me? rip my heart and stomp on it. i know its been said but i cant help it. i am so broken and lost right now.i  dont know what to do..

i love him, but why cant he love me back and treat me right.
isnt that the least i deserve?

silk

how is it that i can give someone my complete all and never get it back? how can i continue to go through this, and feel the pain almost every night but not let go?

how is it that i can give someone my all, and them not even care. not show one ounce about caring about my college course or my career in the making.

how can i do this when he has never even read any of my writing before? when it's been a year..

writing is my everything, writing is my release and he doesnt even care about it.

i wrote about us someday and i told him, and he said i dont have to read what you write.

he may not have to read it, but he should want to because it's what im going to do with my life.

im stuck, and i dont know what way to turn...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMihKmoYfe8&feature=autoplay&list=TLaLpzyzVXYiw&lf=artistob&playnext=2

don't make me change my mind

why?
why does everything bad have to happen to me, and why can't i just live a simple happy life.
that would be a nice thing..

im tired of losing things,
and never gaining things.

im tired of losing people,
and them not coming back.

im tired of knowing my world is changing,
when im not ready for it to change.

huge world, and all im thinking about is you

here is the thing.

i am so happy when i am at school. i couldnt be more happy and people can see that.

but once im out of school i get mad and i just want to be alone all the time. i dont want to deal with peoples bullshit, and i dont want to see anyone.

i didn't realize how much i like time alone but its the only thing i want now a days.

little emo rant:

i feel like i have no one anymore. before i always had my go to people, but by moving here it feels like i have lost every single one of them.

i dont know how to change that.

im just ready to go home to liverpool and crawl into my old bed and never get out.

bleeeeeeh.

freedom

in my school, loving my life.
in my school, becoming what i want to become.
in the city, without internet until thursday.
so i will update then.
<33333
can not wait for this course to hit the road.