leaving is just a game

my life has been a blur lately and i never have the time to write anymore.. well i am sure i have the time i have just became too lazy.
for the most part my life here has been good, i mean i have the best roommate in the world, and i have the best friend anyone could ask for in liverpool, and i also have the best friend anyone could imagine in dartmouth.

but lately.. it doesn't seem like that's enough. i overthink things and i chain smoke constantly because im sad or upset or depressed. i put on a smile for everyone at school, but sometimes its so hard.
i want to believe this is the right course for me, but sometimes i am unsure.
maybe i am too young for this?
maybe i don't have the drive..
maybe i don't even want to do this anymore.

i always thought i would love school, and dont get me wrong i love it. i love the work and i love the people in it. i have just became so lazy about homework and motivation is lacking.
i feel like i could crawl up in a hole most days and be fine with that.

you know the feeling when your heart breaks? like phyically breaks.. you can feel it through your chest and the pain feels so surreal.. well i have been having that feeling lately. and it kills me, it hurts me, it makes me sit and cry for an hour without even having a good reason to cry.
i just wish it was easy.. i just wish i could be the girl i want to be, with the boy i am in love with.. but that doesnt seem possible..

nothing seems possible.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=wwUlPXmr_6o

sorry for the sad post, its just how my heart feels.

one day is good, and then the next one is miserable..
when will this end?

this is my girl

someday.. or maybe in another world.


happy valentines day everyone! enjoy the ones you love, and let the ones who love you spoil you until midnight.
some people don't believe in this day, but it is just about true love.

so if you love someone,
show it today.
take a step up, and don't look back.

this is a beautiful world

your heart's against my chest, your lips pressed to my neck. 
I've fallen for your eyes, but they don't know me yet.

guys, sometimes the girl who's always been
there for you, needs someone to be there for her.

I wanted to tell you all my secrets
but you became one of them instead.

I'm not telling you it is going to be easy,
I'm telling you its going to be worth it.

that "I miss you" message.

people love to say "live for the moment", but
a moment comes in a moment, stays for a
moment, and leaves just as fast; in a moment.

a boy who makes his friends jealous of
me because he talks about me so much.

ain't it a shame, a shame that every time you hear my name 
brought up in a casual conversation, you can't think straight?

don’t let a bad day make you feel like you have a bad life.

to live a creative life, you must lose the fear of being wrong.

make changes, not excuses.

when a guy smells nice, it automatically makes him more attractive.

boys who; rub your thumb while holding hands.

hey, life sucks without you. I miss you, of course I miss you.
I knew that I would but, it's not like a 'hey we had some great 
times you know, keep in touch' kind of thing. it's .. it was more
like 'I can't eat, I can't sleep, I forget what it feels like to laugh' 
kind of thing. and I.. I really think that when you left, 
you took my heart with you. 

I look up at the night sky and I wonder about life, about you, 
about why I'm here. And I look up at those cold, beautiful 
stars so far away, and I realize life has never seemed so big.

the hardest thing to do is walk away
from someone you can't forget.

it's not always going to be pretty.
it's not always going to be easy.
but it will come together in the end.

     




 

maybe tonight will be our night

hello,
and welcome to my life.
to the ups and to the downs.
to the sad and to the happy times.

hello,
and welcome to my life.
the shit show of a life.

hello,
and welcome to my life.
where i don't even belong on a daily basis.

hello,
and welcome to my life,
to the tears, and to the dears.

hello,
and welcome to my nightmare...

i messed up,
my life is messed up.

i don't know how to put all the pieces back together
and make it right.

never ending

i met lights,
and it completed my dreams. she is the most well rounded person there is. meeting her makes me what to be a better person.

but also with meeting her,
i have learned a lot about myself... it might not have been because of her but i guess it is because of what i am going through now.

i feel like i am not exactly where i want to be. Well, its where i want to be, but i just feel like im not giving my best.

i miss my best friend in liverpool, and i miss simple times.
i miss falling in love, and being utterly happy with someone.
i miss having everyone in my life that i used to have.
i miss my family..

this whole growing up thing is hard to handle.

i think i need a way out. an escape. something new to get my mind off things.

maybe ill find it soon..

http://www.stereomood.com/song/53038

i miss you...

someday

i feel like i am living two different lives..
and sometimes i like it?
and sometimes it's the worst possible thing ever.

i have such amazing people in my life, and i love them all <3
i just feel like a change might be good.. someday..

i need a smile.